Sunday, December 13, 2009

Wait, really?

In my previous post, I shared my encounter with a friendly local sorbet maker. His showmanship was not a mask but rather a reflection of his own scary, scary reality. (Please make sure to visit both Black Holes, so you'll understand). Now that I'm done with eating sorbet forever, I've had extra time to think about why this guy and his dessert freaked me out. Talking to him at the farmer's market was fine, because I could at least tell myself that it was all an elaborate act. There was actually no reason not to think this, as he had a megaphone, was spouting religious text, and playing a recording of church organ music while telling me that he would 'convert me into a believer.' Joke, right? As usual, the Internet simultaneously cleared things up for me and made me afraid to ever leave my apartment again.

And why try to write about it? I've realized that I am driven to extreme excitement over ridiculous things that are actually serious. I've asked around, and it's not just me: we take a sick pleasure in trying to figure out how 'serious' a given spectacle is, and are left both giddy and aghast when it turns out to be as real as real gets. It's more than being stuck to the T.V. watching an L.A. car chase. When I can't figure out if something is earnest or not, and when it turns out it's real, it becomes both hilarious and horrifying. Examples include:

Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman
The Miss Virginia Pageant (there is no video online, but just think Little Miss Sunshine if it were real and about 50 times scarier)
That adorable time Kim Jong Il celebrated the launch of North Korea's satellite (read: super deadly missile headed in our general direction)
Crispin Glover on Letterman
Crispin Glover in anything
Sarah Palin

If you agree that this is a feeling that needs to be share, here are some possible holiday presents that can inspire that giddy disbelief in your nearest and dearest:

Hug Me Pillow

The picture says it all, so I have nothing to add. Note that people are buying and enjoying it, and it is currently out of stock.


The Pursuit of Excellence: Ferrets
No, not ferrets in general. Ferret enthusiasts. Like, people who are really enthusiastic in a Best in Show kind of way. The song is where I started to get scared.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Anti-semitic dessert

I love farmer's markets. Love them. They're fresh, honest and full of interesting produce and people. You can enjoy yourself whether you're obsessed with buying local, or if the fluorescent lights at the mega mart make you ill.

A few months ago, I had a questionable experience at a different farmer's market than the one that I usually frequent. We were accosted by a man and his daughter, who had what seemed to be a funny pitch - selling sorbet in the style of a preacher, as though God made it Himself. (I'd try to be all P.C. and say 'Herself', but as you'll see, there is no way that these people would go for that.)

The man had a megaphone, and was extolling the virtues of his homemade sorbet in biblical fashion, with church organ music playing in a loop from a CD player. His adorable daughter stood by shyly. At the time I hoped she understood the joke. This is back when I thought there was a joke.

He lured us in, never breaking the preacher act. We bought some sorbet so we could get away quickly, and passed it off as an elaborate show. It seemed far too crazy to be real I forgot about them until recently, when I thought I would look them up and try to remember the name of the farm - The Holy GraEL.

I think that the website is pretty self-explanatory (or at least, my reasons for posting it). I can't even count the number of things that frighten me about it, so I'll let you form your own impressions. Please note the fine progression of crazy from top to bottom, as well as the innovative website design (from top to bottom). To explain the title of the post, you'll need to Enter the Black Hole. Both of them.

Today's lesson: always scroll down/flip to the end/read the fine print before you buy your desserts.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Lying Liars on the Internets

I just completed about 5.5 hours of Excel 2007 training on the Internet. I know what you're thinking: No. It doesn't get any better than this.

Honestly, I learned a lot of tricks that will prove useful at work. It's not riveting, but I would say that the utility involved is Excel-lent. (I'm sorry, that's been rolling around in my head all day and I had to get it out.) I guess the monotony at least makes you appreciate the small, hilarious moments, many of which I recorded as I was watching video after video. I thus present to you:

Things I heard during Excel training that probably were not true, some of which are fairly dirty-sounding

"This next feature has gotten ooos and ahhhs every time I've demonstrated it."

"Make sure you know what you're doing before you start, so that your Macro is smooth as silk."

"I really enjoy working with functions in Excel."

"This will whet your appetite."

"There's no pain when working with panes!"


All that, and a moderately professional certificate to put on the wall.

While the training was a little goofy sometimes, I certainly wouldn't classify anything I heard as potentially destructive. For instance, the woman leading the training videos at no time made an attempt to ruin my life and career in the name of taking my money. This is where Excel training and the University of Phoenix are different.

While I have never had the pleasure of partying with an enrollment counselor, I have met various characters on the Internet that would like to take my money in elaborate ways. I often post ads to tutor Spanish, and receive a multitude of emails. A few are legit, and most are poorly-written inquiries from a man wanting tutoring for his kids, who can only pay me in an oversized-money order, a portion of which I will have to send back to him. I usually ignore these, or write back something snarky that makes it clear that I'm not going to fall for it. Here are some examples of what I could have done that would be much more entertaining and productive. This involved tale takes the cake.

I got a response from my most recent posting asking if I could tutor two children immediately and what my rate was. Thinking I would end it, I told him I charged $500/hour. Then, to my surprise and delight, he wrote me back today with an unexpected answer, which I can only see as a fantastic opportunity:

"Your rate is ok."

Game's on, you sad bastard. Get ready to meet a self-employed cat clothing designer who is looking not for money, but for anyone to be her friend.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I love this chicken neck

This came my way through Lauren G., and it's infinitely better than any recipes that I put up here:



Note to self: to make cooking better, obtain patience, nice kitchen and hilarious intonation. For my favorite lines, a close second to the post title is "I keep them." (in reference to the pear slices).

Further contributing to the idea that it's not what you say, but how you say it, is the following piece of brilliance. My apologies to those who were beginning to forget that Sarah Palin exists:


And a moment when Shatner's intonation perhaps works less well, depending on how much you like "Rocketman":



We all have our favorite Walken (and possibly Shatner) lines. Now is the time to share them!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

And you know that how?

Though I try to understand, I have to admit that I don't know much about the current health care debate. I'm aware of the concerns on each side, but I know that I don't know enough to formulate an opinion or be an advocate one way or the other. Is the current proposed plan going to magically fix all of our lives? Probably not. Would it help improve some huge pitfalls? Most likely. That's about as far as I can go.

However, this video has given me courage. I realize now that I have too long hidden my ignorance. Knowledge isn't necessary for misplaced indignation and yelling (hence, "misplaced"). You can just say whatever you want as long as you are loud enough to hide the fact that you don't know what you are saying. It is time to become an ardent supporter of that which I will never fully understand. Where do I get me some cardboard and markers?


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

For sale: big watermelon, never eaten

Time for some recipes that helped use up a seemingly insurmountable amount of melon. In general, I find that recipes that list things in separate steps are intimidating and hard to read. Therefore, I'm going to pass my laziness off as an attempt to help, by making extraordinarily short recipes. Think of Six Word Memoirs, but without the artistic merit.

Watermelon gazpacho
If you were going to be a truly good cook, you would pick all the seeds out, or at least start out right and get a seedless watermelon. This is really easy to make if you have a Cuisinart (thanks, Mom!). It's also a perfect summer dish, especially for those who may be tomato-challenged. Enjoy, and watch out for a watermelon growing in your stomach after you're done.

Ingredients:
3 cups watermelon
1 cucumber
1 red pepper
1 small onion
2 tbsp lemon
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp parsley/cilantro
salt+pepper
red wine vinegar

1. Put ingredients in Cuisinart.
2. Put what comes out of Cuisinart into fridge.
3. Eat.




This next recipe sure does take a pretty picture, which is all that matters in life.


Watermelon Soda
some amount of club soda
some amount of watermelon juice
some amount of sugar

1. Juice your watermelon by letting it sit in a colander for a while, or by doing it wrong and impatiently and mushing it up with a spoon. Add sugar to taste.
2. Put ice in a glass and pour however much club soda you want.
3. Add some juice/sugar mixture to taste.
4. Drink it. Feel cool for making your own soda. If applicable, feel lame for calling it pop.



Tuesday, September 22, 2009

We can't all marry Liza Minelli

Right? Taking into account the Arrested Development sign, Liza must be an effective political negotiating tool. Clicking through the whole slideshow, I really can't decide which one is my favorite. However, as with most things in life, it brings me great relief to see that others can tell when no one else knows what's going on. And that it's hilarious once you start to take pictures.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

One Fish, Two Fish, Girl Fish...wait a minute...

Since I now spend 2.5 hours in the car every day, coming across cool things on the radio has brings a lot of excitement to my day. I should mention that my definition of excitement is rooted in the fact that if a truck doesn't try to run me off the interstate, it's been a fairly good trip.

Most of this excitement and happiness comes from NPR, though there are other sources that I'll outline eventually. I had to share this story I heard on the way home today, about the prevalence of gender-bending male bass fish in the U.S. Now that I've thought about it, I am reminded of a terrifying primetime special I saw on XXY syndrome in humans, in this case caused by a bee sting (watch out, guys!). However, I burst out laughing when I first heard the fish story. No, I don't think it's ridiculous. However, I do think that these "intersex" fish are going to make the population of bass fishermen highly, highly uncomfortable.


Going back to our literary theme from last time, perhaps the male fish would feel more in touch with themselves if they picked up Middlesex. While I can't come up with one for this book at the moment, please continue to post your own haikus! If you're more into rhyming, do like Ted does and try a limerick, or whatever other kind of poetry floats your boat. Just keep an eye on the fish underneath.

A song that's too good to pass up.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The wind gently blows/As I read in the summer


Book reviews: too long?
Short and sweet in haiku form
Leaves time to read books.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean Dominique Bauby
Man of Elle has stroke
Writes book by blinking one eye
Heartbreaking, quite good.

Saturday - Ian McEwan
Rich man, lengthy thoughts
Angry fight, turns tables yet
does nothing - letdown!

Atonement - Ian McEwan
Affair, then child lies
Lots more story, no real end
Sensing a theme here.

Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
Clones in the future
Efficient, set, but happy?
Good, short, Savage read.

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
You think high school sucked?
Clones become organ donors
Strange: was there a point?

I Love You, Beth Cooper - Larry Doyle
Nerd woos hot prom queen
In grad night redemption race
Sweet, funny, great read.

Cat's Eye - Margaret Atwood
Woman reviews life
Smart, Canadian Mean Girls
With paintings; insight.

Behind the Scenes at the Museum - Kate Atkinson
Tristam Shandy-style
memoir; large family tree
through years. Funny, smart.

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Vampire/human love,
Smut for middle school girls, but
Ashamed to say: good.

Now please share your own
To share what's good and what's not
May the best post win.

Slightly related -
Best paper headline ever
On teacher's firing:

"Poetry teacher told to take a haiku."

Friday, August 28, 2009

Teaching healthy skepticism about teaching

I thought this was a satirical piece when I started reading it, but it's a true account of the system in place to provide "time-out" for incompetent teachers. Unfortunately, time-out can last for years while arduous trial proceedings drag on, and teachers get paid for every penny of their time. It does tie into the larger debate about tenure/how to evaluate quality in teachers, but it may make you wish you didn't know that things were run this way.

For more on issues in education that don't have an easy answer, this is a New York Times discussion from a few weeks ago. One commentator refers to the "charade" of higher education, while others laud education schools, or discuss TFA and teacher evaluation. A lot is covered, because there is a lot to cover. However, my lukewarm experience in grad school, combined with what many have termed my "zero tolerance policy on BS," leads me to applaud this writer's take on education degrees (made even more telling by the fact that he himself is a professor of education):

"A master’s degree in most subfields in education...adds little or nothing to students’ knowledge or practical skills...if you ask graduating master’s students [as opposed to undergrads] who have managed to escape indoctrination (because they are fortunately endowed with a wide streak of skepticism), they will tell you that they learned nothing new. Yes, many teachers with master’s degrees in education are more skilled teachers. But this is not because they got a master’s degree. They went for a master’s degree because they are intelligent, were already skilled teachers (self-taught), and had the gumption to go back to school."

For more on accidental indoctrination into silly things, as well as a good representation of what an ed class can feel like:

Friday, August 21, 2009

TGIF

In celebration of Friday, here are some thoughts on what we (or some of us) used to do on Friday nights. I was thrilled to recently discover that a friend (who will remain nameless unless he wishes to identify himself) shared my same 90s television-watching pattern. I don't think I have ever had someone bring up the show Perfect Strangers; in fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out to be something I dreamed up.

The premise, from imdb.com: "A high strung and cynical man's life is never the same when his naive but good-natured cousin comes to America to live with him." Naive + good-natured almost always leads to my favorite happening: wacky hijincks.




I can't actually watch this clip again, because it makes me sad that this is how I spent my childhood. Not only is everything about it 80's-fabulous, it could very well be something made up by Family Guy (a la "Gumbel to Gumbel"). I'm pretty sure all the episodes are on YouTube, if anyone wants to do an in-depth analysis of Balki as the "othered" foreigner in U.S. culture, or just if you're super-bored. For other shows with a hip opening theme, all of which may secretly be the same show, check out Step by Step, Family Matters, Family Ties, and Full House.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Pupusas, please!

Last week I had the chance to stuff my face at local Caribbean restaurant Cazón Tropical. Cazón is a type of shark, not a variation on "casa," as I mistakenly told people for a long time. Life hint: learn another language, or just tell people you know one, and they'll believe anything you say. Anyway, we were there in time to catch the U.S. vs. Mexico soccer match. In case you're wondering, the closed-captioning is right on the money, as they do take the time to write out "GOOOOOOOOOOOL!" for as many lines as necessary. In addition to the excitement of the game, the food, was great. Here is an appetizer of 3 bean-and-cheese pupusas (more on pupusas below) along with horchata, a rice/milk/cinammon/really good drink.






Pupusas are pretty hard to describe to someone who hasn't had one, especially since the dough, cheese and beans make it like a lot of other things that you could get at similar restaurant. Ideally they are crispy on the outside and soft and cheesy on the inside. Here is a helpful video, though I warn you that it's all easier said (and watched) than done.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Working World

Weird fetishists unite! I've always been put off by people in large character costumes (they can see you but you can't see them!) but I didn't think they had it this bad. I briefly worked as a Crash Test Dummy at the Mum Festival*, and I never had such a questionable experience. Mostly I wandered around, sweated a lot, and promoted car safety by waving.

While I can't imagine doing that as a job, I came across an article that outlines plenty of weird things that people do for a living in this country. Click through to find out how to get self-righteous messages saved up for your heathen friends who won't go with you in the Rapture, and where to get implants for your male dog to make him feel like a full canine once again.

My favorite, and one that I do want to try out, is the Something Store. You give them $10, and they send you...well, what does it sound like they send you? I was scoffed at by a few friends, but I'm tempted to do it. I've read a few complaints, but it seems to me that if you have high standards and don't like surprises, then you'd best stay away.

*Footnote: This is a sentence that no one has ever said before.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Goodbye, old friend

Time to say goodbye to the Subaru. I'm bummed, but I'm on to "greener" pastures. Get it? GET IT? Anyway, in cleaning out my car, I found a fantastic collection of stuff tucked in nooks and crannies and wanted to share.



July 2008 - A list of things to do before we moved into our current place. Yes, I look for any opportunity to go to Big Lots. What of it?


2004 - a receipt from Marshalls in Bristol, which no longer exists.


$5.35. I was certainly hoping for more.

I found no fewer than 17 writing utensils. Most of the pens worked, and I think that one shiny pencil is a Lisa Frank relic.



1998 - Tickets to a Monet exhibit in Boston. I'm sure that I took the opportunity to enjoy a cultural event and squandered it in a lovely teenage way by bitching about my feet hurting the whole time.


2004 - Hotel key from a lovely joint in White Haven, PA, just off of I-80. I had to stay there overnight on a drive from Ohio to Connecticut due to excessive ice and cars smashing into other cars. I ordered chicken fingers at 1:30 in the morning and then lay awake under the covers wondering when I would get axe murdered. Good times.



Summer 2003 - My distinguished nametag from my first semi-real job, where I got lots of fine CT training in having rich people complain, to be continued in later years through nannying and selling expensive ice cream.


June 2009 - a mini umbrella from Aquí es Mexico, a super-awesome family-owned Mexican/Salvadorean restaurant. We tried out their newest dessert option, churros with ice cream. Seeing as it's deep fried dough, you can't really do wrong, but these were so, so good. The novelty of the umbrella in the ice cream may have helped.


Really really old - New Britain Rockcats seat cushions stored under the hatch floor. Nothing better than traveling to the Land of the Lost Consonant to watch some minor league ball and be creeped out or delighted by meeting Rocky the Rockcat.




2007 - This is a special gift that came in a package of galletas surtidos (mixed cookies) that I bought as refreshments for a group English class. The CD provided us with endless hours of entertainment at the office, especially when the chorus of Spanish-speaking children sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, or the classic "Dim, Dim." I can't find these anywhere online and I may have to resort to high-tech methods to get them posted.



2002 (?) - This is a Guster mix that I made. Yes, a mix CD. Before iPods. Taking it one step further, we had a program that let you design your own CD labels. I was particularly proud of this one, and I realized that I've used the same style on advertising posters I've made in previous jobs: Use one picture as the background, type out the info, and then take a nap. Very easy.

2007 - Remember all those words I learned in my continued studies Chinese class? Yeah, me neither.



No idea when or where these tissues are from, but the monkeys sure are cute.


hopefully 2009 - I remember loving this flavor in fifth grade. Nothing's changed.

2008 - Slip with the call numbers for Reviving Ophelia. Mildly interesting, though outdated book. Terrible class. I literally had to do a book report on it. Yes, you're reading the date right; this was for grad school. Good news: I got an A.



You may heard the urban legend of the girl who went to a job fair one day. Without a nice bag, and not wanting to look frumpy, she decided to put her keychain, wallet, and phone in the car, and just carry around the key to the car with her resumés. She told herself she wouldn't lose it, she wouldn't lose it, she just wouldn't. Ten minutes later, it was definitely gone. After scouring the parking lot, asking at the front desk, but before crawling around on the floor in front of potential employers, she walked the 45 minutes to a place that had a phone and computer. Those who were around that day say it was about 100 degrees. Though she had to explain multiple times that she couldn't just get the car unlocked to get the key, that she had locked all of her things in the car and essentially thrown out the key, she persevered. With prayers and many many many forceful phone calls, the magical Subaru fairies eventually took pity on her and granted her a new key, at no charge. Her tale is one of perseverance, but also stupidity, as she thought the key she had lost was the only one in existence. With the Subaru gone, this other key is what remains of her legacy, as she found it in the bottom of the glove compartment while cleaning out the car.



Please share any other fond memories that you may have, or weird stuff you've found in your own car. I'm wondering how a site called crapifoundinmycar.com might take off. Kind of like postsecret.com or that site where people post lost gloves, but with a different twist of automotive memories.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Puppies in Prison

Having only ever watched part of another episode of Oprah, I marveled at the consistency I've seen this far. Both times, Oprah spent most of the episode crying. She talked about her dog. (I shouldn't know that her dog's name is Sadie, but she said it enough times that it would be hard to forget). She talked about herself. In fact, she managed to take a fascinating topic and make it mostly about herself. Glenn Close didn't help.

All the fanfare aside, I was blown away by Glenn Close's reason for being on the show. Specifically, she has helped make a documentary about Puppies Behind Bars, a program that uses prison inmates to train puppies to become service dogs. Not only is this a big contribution to the tricky subject of prison system issues and reform, it marks a nice turnaround from the days when Glenn used to use puppies to make coats.

Of course, Glenn Close managed to get all political by hawking an odd dog chew toy (the footprint of a soldier's boot colored like the American flag). And Oprah managed to bring it full circle back to herself by joshing about how she certainly needed one, since Sadie was chewing on her Prada shoes earlier. Oh, can't we all relate to that wacky, everyday scenario! At least between the moments of self-absorption and over-emotion, there was a story and a program worth learning about.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Lemon White Chocolate Biscotti

This was a really easy treat from Cooking Light. In the same vein as coconut and raisins, white chocolate seems to be a make-or-break ingredient for some people. However, there are so many other flavors that the white chocolate isn't overwhelming. Fun fact: One piece of biscotti is called a biscotto.

Here is a link to the recipe. Below are some hopefully enticing pictures of various parts of the process.





Saturday, August 1, 2009

Keyboard cat

Things that make it hard to finish a comps project due at 3:00 p.m. on Friday:

1. Adopt ridiculously cute kittens on Tuesday.
2. Play with kittens when writing should be happening the rest of the week.
3. Naptime at 1:30 p.m. Friday:

Monday, July 27, 2009

Thank You for Smoking (around the baby)

I volunteer at a local organization dedicated to health education for women. My specific role is to research specific health concerns as they come up in the year (August is Children's Eye Safety month - mark your calendars!). It's a fun gig because I get to learn little factoids that aren't entirely worthless. Did you know that "cataract" means "waterfall"? Did you know that Virginia is the only state to include legislation allowing breastfeeding on any state-owned property or land? The bad part about it is that I usually terrify myself into thinking that I have whatever condition I'm researching. However, I do feel pretty confident at this point that I have neither lupus nor teen pregnancy.

While researching breastfeeding, I found something slightly more disturbing than most of the conditions themselves. While advocates of breastfeeding say that it prevents many future health problems in children, it seems there is little or no conclusive evidence to support this statement. (Hannah Rosin's article in the Atlantic Monthly references 1970's studies that turned "breast-feeding advocates and formula makers into Crips and Bloods, and introduced the take-no-prisoners turf war between them that continues to this day.")

That being said, I did quadruple-take when I found this statement on the official, for-real website for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

If you smoke tobacco, it is best for you and your baby if you try to quit as soon as possible. If you can't quit though, it is still better to breastfeed since your baby is at higher risk of having respiratory problems and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Breastfeeding lowers the risk of both of these health problems in your baby. Be sure to smoke away from your baby and change clothes to keep your baby away from the chemicals from the smoke on your clothing.

Ah, parental responsibility. Who needs it? The excerpt goes on to say, "You should probably not allow your baby to smoke. However, if your baby wants a cigarette, please keep in mind that your baby's motor skills are not fully developed, and offer to light it for him or her. Lighting it yourself lowers the risk of accidental burn and house fires. Your baby can enjoy nicotine straight from the source, rather than diluted in your milk, and the risk of injury is drastically decreased."

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Chili powder in unexpected places

Brownies with jalapeños

With a few jalapeños left over from my cornbread adventures last week, I was trying to devise a way to make jalapeno ice cream. All of the recipes I found were complicated and looked like they may or may not be edible at the end. I decided to instead go with jalapeño brownies, since many sites advocated for the spicy/chocolate combo. (For more on this delicious phenomena, see the Chipotle Chili World Market chocolate bar).

* 2/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
* 1/2 cup butter
* 4 large eggs
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups sugar
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
* 5 large jalapeño peppers, minced

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 by 13-inch pan.

Melt butter and chocolate chips together in a double boiler (or a bowl/saucepan/tin foil contraption, if you are not quite that fancy). Set aside to cool.

In a large bowl, whisk or beat the eggs with the salt until foamy. Add the sugar and vanilla and beat until well blended. Add the chocolate-butter mixture and stir until just combined. Add the flour and cocoa powder and mix until almost blended. Fold in the jalapeños.

Transfer batter to the prepared pan and bake until the top forms a cracked crust and the inside looks slightly moist, 30 to 35 minutes. Allow to cool, then cut into squares and dust with powdered sugar.




Chili Powder French Fries
We found ourselves with little interesting to eat for dinner the other night, with just some cod and potatoes. Not wanting to go the Irish peasant route, I thought I would instead go the unhealthy American route and make some easy and fattening fries.

Slice potatoes as thin as you'd like. Heat a layer of vegetable oil in a skillet, and add potato pieces. Cook until they are as browned/crispy as you want. Take them out and pat them down to remove excess oil. Omit this part if you want the full fatty, patriotic experience. Add whatever seasonings you want. (I added chili powder, garlic salt and a little bit of sea salt.) Eat as many as you want. Sue me and/or potato manufacturer for making you unhealthy. Yum!



Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Paul Rudd part II: "I lied to Bruce Springsteen"

Since I got the response from many that Paul Rudd is worth watching and reading about, I put my internet-searching talents to work. Take note, potential employers: General Computer Skills!

Here is some Role Models dancing in all its glory on the Daily Show:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Paul Rudd
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJoke of the Day


And then I hit the jackpot with this clip from Conan. Double dancing, plus a \story about meeting Bruce Springsteen.



And to bring it full circle, back to Jon Stewart again. No Paul Rudd, but there is both dancing and Springsteen. This one is a personal favorite of mine because, as he says, I certainly am a fan of joy.


The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Dancing with Bruce
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJoke of the Day


I haven't been able to find the end to The 40 Year Old Virgin yet, though part of me feels like it would cheapen such a masterpiece to have it readily available to watch at all times.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The sporting life

Loving K'naan and this song. From what I had heard on local radio, I had thought that the studio version was the official theme song of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. All I can find on Google is that it is possibly Coca-Cola's official theme song for the World Cup. A little less cool, but still a great song. In addition to his other accomplishments, K'naan also has the distinction of being one of two Somali Canadians listed on Wikipedia.



For more on the World Cup next summer, here is an excellent piece on preparations in South Africa. The guy's an alright writer; maybe someday he'll make something of himself.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

College takes minds into space like a rocket...

...I went to college, so I know.

R for language but A+ for funny.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Why Paul Rudd is awesome

"I Could Never Be Your Woman". There was no reason to think that this would be a good movie. I knew that going in. An older woman falls for a younger man?!?! What kind of wacky hijinks and cultural misunderstandings will ensue? My only reason for watching, as is the case with many movies, is Paul Rudd. Under-appreciated beyond belief, he is easily one of my favorite things. Unfortunately, he doesn't show up until about 15 minutes into the movie and I almost didn't make it that far. I slogged through the contrived dialogue and the appearance of a tv exec's cranky inner 'Mother Nature' as an imagined being who complains, eats junk food and makes witty comments on modern society and relationships. There were multiple other red flags, and it didn't seem like it could possibly pay off to keep watching. Until this:



This promised to be the zenith of Paul Rudd-ness in the movie and I figured it was all downhill from there. I watched this scene a few times. Then I tried to fast-forward to just his scenes, but at the 45 minute mark I gave up, as the worthwhile parts were few and far between. Maybe on a rainy day I'll discover how the fairy tale ends, but for now I'm glad to have left on a high note of glorious dancing. Not surprisingly, my search for that clip indicates that the whole movie is on Youtube if you are so inclined.

I can't seem to find either the clip of him dancing his way onto the Daily Show to promote Role Models, or the infamous Single Ladies dance on SNL, both of which would be very apt here. I instead have everyone's favorite part of Wet Hot American Summer, just 'cause:



I hope he never, ever starts to take himself too seriously. We'd be missing out on a lot.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Bread, soup and beans

Last weekend I managed to restrain myself at the farmer's market and I only got a pint of jalapeños, which proved very useful.






I got them because I had this tasty spicy cornbread in mind:

Jalapeño cornbread

1 1/2 cups cornmeal
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
6 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 eggs
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup olive oil
3 jalapeño peppers, seeded and finely chopped

(I also added in a little bit of chili powder and cumin for fun).


1. In a bowl, combine the first six ingredients, as well as the peppers. In another bowl, whisk the eggs, buttermilk and oil. Add to the dry ingredients and stir just until moistened. Pour into a greased 9-in. square baking pan.
2. Bake at 400 degrees F for 20-22 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cut into squares or wedges. Serve warm.






I also found myself left with an overstock of green beans, but found this really easy recipe on Horse and Buggy (which Matt actually whipped up!)


Sesame Green Beans

1 lb green beans
1/8 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
3 Tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
1 clove of garlic

Preparation:

Boil beans for 5 minuntes then run under cold water. Toss beans with salt, sugar, soy sauce, and sesame oil. Marinate 1 hour in a bowl that has been rubbed with garlic. Serve slightly chilled or at room temperature.



I also needed to get rid of a ton of cucumbers, hence some summery cucumber soup from the Bartlett's Farm Cookbook.


Thick, cold cucumber soup

2 medium cucumbers (the recipe says to pare them, but I left the skin on since that's where the nutrients are)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 clove garlic, quartered
1 tbs sugar
1 tbs fresh chives, minced
2 tbs fresh mint, minced
1 cup plain non-fat yogurt (I went with vanilla, and what a yummy choice!)
1 cup nonfat sour cream


1. Put everything in a blender. Blend it. Put it in the fridge until chilled. Eat it in between bites of cornbread to cool off from the jalapeños.


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Bigger, brighter and better food

Time to share some more scrumtrulescent food from the crop share!

Nearly unmanageable cabbage:





Rainbow chard part II (in this case called "Bright Lights chard":





A new, almost unimaginable treat called chocolate bread. Unsweetened, but notice the pockets of glorious chocolate chunks wrapped up inside. They get nice and gooey when you heat them up, and the bread is great with honey.




Finally, enormous, ready-to-burst blueberries:



These are not the blueberries you're going to find in your grocery chain. A size comparison with a timely patriotic nod:



I hear George was more of a cherry guy, but I'm sure these blueberries would convert him. Happy 4th!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The New Yorker: Life in Cartoon Motion



Of mice and bad jokes


I took advantage of a very long car ride to brainstorm pages of ideas for this cartoon. Dozens and dozens of lines. They ranged from overly complex ("We should go back to giving them cheese instead of calculators") to abstract and downright goofy ("Hey, where'd Doctor Elephant go?"). Ultimately, it was decided to go with a clever reference to Steinbeck:

"So much for our best laid-plans."

A well-known quotation aimed at an appreciative literary crowd? Perfection. Or so I thought. The finalists are as follows:

"Ok, let's slowly lower in the grant money."
"Relax, for them it's publish *and* perish."
"The research is conclusive - mice are even cuter when you dress them up in little coats."

While none of these are any good, the most aggravating part for me is the fact that one of them is a variation of one of the deliberately stupid lines that I came up with in the car:

"The results are in: the coats look much better on them."

Had I just pandered to the obvious, rather than trying to reach for the stars, that could be my brilliant wit splashed across the pages of the New Yorker. This is a lesson for the kids: always strive to meet the lowest common denominator, and you won't ever feel like you've overworked yourself for no reason. I could have also fallen back on one of the staples.

"Man, these mice could sure use a martini."
"This reminds me Jenkins: you're fired. Because the mice do better research than you."

While I had been intending to write about the mouse cartoon anyway, something in a recent issue caught my eye, and it seemed too surprising to ignore:

Airplane!




What's surprising in this case is not, as usual, how shockingly bad all of the entries are (listed below). All three entries, submitted by men, seem to point to how self absorbed and nagging women are. Keep in mind, I'm no ardent feminist. Anyone who thinks "women" should be spelled with a y needs to get over themselves. The saddest part is, all of these entries are things that my friends or I may have come up as a joke to make fun of people who talk this way. We say them in a goofy voice, putting on the character of one who thinks their joke is funny, laugh a bit, and then dismiss them and move on to something that is actually funny and not just based on a well-known and easily dismissible stereotype.

I feel like perhaps The New Yorker isn't helping itself by providing a known symbol (sexy high heels) of supposed womanhood, and nothing else. Juxtaposing it with manliness and airplanes led to the inevitable fallback on wacky gender roles. However, I find it hard to believe that there were no other entries that fit the bill, or could have at least broken up the incredible string of bad, misogynistic jokes:

"She thinks her bomb bay makes her look fat." This is probably the most painful. Did she buy the shoes to make her feel better about looking fat? Do the shoes help her not look fat? We don't know, because there's no reference to the shoes. Just to the hysterical woman-plane hybrid wearing them.

"It's a pretty good aircraft, except it keeps nagging you to ask for directions." Haha! Wow, women sure are obnoxious. Good thing she's at least not the one driving in this equation, because we all know how that would go. Crazy woman drivers.

"She's a lover, not a fighter." I don't completely understand this one. I'm going to go ahead and assume the guy wants to have sex with his plane. Well done.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Shredding up green things

I found myself once again with an abundance of green things. Since they were taking up space, it made the most sense to compress them into tiny bits in order to make delicious green things, hence zucchini bread and all-purpose pesto.

Zucchini Bread

Both recipes are adapted from the Bartlett's Farm Cookbook.

I technically could have made more than 4 loaves of bread with all of the shredded zucchini that came out of the monster vegetable that I bought at the city market, but I made do with the only 3 bread pans I had. With such a large amount of food to shred, it was great to use the Cuisinart. Not only is it always fun to work with enormous spinning blades, but the shreds were large enough to still show up in the finished product.




Recipe
2.5 cups of zucchini, unpeeled and shredded
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp salt
3 eggs
1 1/4 cups of sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp lemon zest (I used lime)
1 cup chopped walnuts

Recipe also called for 1/2 tsp of ground cloves, for which I used cardamom, and 1/4 cup of honey and 1/2 cup of raisins. I didn't have enough honey, and raisins tend to either delight or repulse. Since most of this bread was for other people, I didn't want to take the chance. I personally think it would be yummy.

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Let zucchini drain in colander.
3. Combine flours, baking soda, baking powder, spices and salt.
4. In another bowl, beat eggs and add sugar and oil.
5. Blend in flour mixture until smooth. Add zucchini (and honey and raisins), lemon zest and nuts. Blend but don't overstir.
6. Pour batter into 2 greased loaf pans and bake for 50-60 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean.

Let it cool and then watch it disappear quickly.

Pesto:

Recipe
2 cups of packed basil leaves
2 large garlic cloves (or more to taste)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 cup olive oil
1/3 cup of pine nuts (or walnuts, which are cheaper and still do the trick)
1/2 to 3/4 cup of fresh grated Parmesan or Romano cheese


1. In a food processor, combine basil leaves, garlic, salt and pepper. Process until well blended and scrape down sides often.
2. Add olive oil while continuing to process.
3. Add nuts. Process.
4. Add cheese. Process.


It's a shame that there's no reason to use the nifty shredding attachment, or even necessarily the food processor. However, the outcome is still delicious. This only makes one cup, but that's enough for some pasta sauce or to use as a sandwich spread. Make more at a time and you can freeze for the sad basil-less winter months.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Rainbow-themed food

As if regular old Swiss chard wasn't good enough, we were lucky enough to find rainbow chard at the farmer's market this week.



This made me think of all of the other great colors that come along with fresh food. Here are some cherries from the crop share:



The red cherries in the blue bowl with the yellow background was too much to resist. The lovely bowl is courtesy of my college dining services. During my freshman year they had them for a brief few weeks at the stir fry bar, until they reverted to crappy plates that no one wanted to steal.



Lovely stem close-ups:








The colors!





And finally, a recent dinner of coconut chicken, baked tortilla chips, a bright mango-tomatillo salsa and the rainbow chard in its final, delicious state.



The mango salsa can go with a lot of things, including fish. It was great both with the chicken and the tortilla chips. I didn't settle on one recipe, since there are many and I didn't have all of the ingredients for any of them. There were no complaints, but I went a little too heavy on the lime juice and probably could have used more salt. In short, do whatever makes you happy, but here is a good starting point:

Mango-Tomatillo Salsa

2 mangos, peeled and sliced (if you've never done it before, please check out this website. There's a science to it. Really.)
5-7 tomatillos, husked
1 large spring onion, quartered
4 cloves of garlic, unpeeled
1 red pepper, sliced
1 tbs lime juice
1 tsp salt
fresh cilantro
any other spices or things that you think might taste good

Place onions, tomatillos, garlic and red pepper on a tray coated with cooking spray. Place in (toaster) oven and broil until vegetables start to char. Peel garlic, and place vegetables in blender. Blend into chunks by pulsing a few times. Add lime juice, salt, cilantro and anything else that strikes your fancy. Mix in cubed mango and enjoy!

Tortilla chips

10 tortilla wraps
1 tbs chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp salt
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 450. Coat tortillas with cooking spray and cut into chip-sized pieces. Sprinkle evenly with a mixture of chili powder, cumin and salt. Spread on a cooking sheet coated with cooking spray. Bake for 8ish minutes, or until they are as crispy as you want. I've also fried them on the stove and cooked them on the grill with olive oil. The extra spices make this really yummy.