Shredding up green things

I found myself once again with an abundance of green things. Since they were taking up space, it made the most sense to compress them into tiny bits in order to make delicious green things, hence zucchini bread and all-purpose pesto.

Zucchini Bread

Both recipes are adapted from the Bartlett's Farm Cookbook.

I technically could have made more than 4 loaves of bread with all of the shredded zucchini that came out of the monster vegetable that I bought at the city market, but I made do with the only 3 bread pans I had. With such a large amount of food to shred, it was great to use the Cuisinart. Not only is it always fun to work with enormous spinning blades, but the shreds were large enough to still show up in the finished product.




Recipe
2.5 cups of zucchini, unpeeled and shredded
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp salt
3 eggs
1 1/4 cups of sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp lemon zest (I used lime)
1 cup chopped walnuts

Recipe also called for 1/2 tsp of ground cloves, for which I used cardamom, and 1/4 cup of honey and 1/2 cup of raisins. I didn't have enough honey, and raisins tend to either delight or repulse. Since most of this bread was for other people, I didn't want to take the chance. I personally think it would be yummy.

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Let zucchini drain in colander.
3. Combine flours, baking soda, baking powder, spices and salt.
4. In another bowl, beat eggs and add sugar and oil.
5. Blend in flour mixture until smooth. Add zucchini (and honey and raisins), lemon zest and nuts. Blend but don't overstir.
6. Pour batter into 2 greased loaf pans and bake for 50-60 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean.

Let it cool and then watch it disappear quickly.

Pesto:

Recipe
2 cups of packed basil leaves
2 large garlic cloves (or more to taste)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 cup olive oil
1/3 cup of pine nuts (or walnuts, which are cheaper and still do the trick)
1/2 to 3/4 cup of fresh grated Parmesan or Romano cheese


1. In a food processor, combine basil leaves, garlic, salt and pepper. Process until well blended and scrape down sides often.
2. Add olive oil while continuing to process.
3. Add nuts. Process.
4. Add cheese. Process.


It's a shame that there's no reason to use the nifty shredding attachment, or even necessarily the food processor. However, the outcome is still delicious. This only makes one cup, but that's enough for some pasta sauce or to use as a sandwich spread. Make more at a time and you can freeze for the sad basil-less winter months.

Rainbow-themed food

As if regular old Swiss chard wasn't good enough, we were lucky enough to find rainbow chard at the farmer's market this week.



This made me think of all of the other great colors that come along with fresh food. Here are some cherries from the crop share:



The red cherries in the blue bowl with the yellow background was too much to resist. The lovely bowl is courtesy of my college dining services. During my freshman year they had them for a brief few weeks at the stir fry bar, until they reverted to crappy plates that no one wanted to steal.



Lovely stem close-ups:








The colors!





And finally, a recent dinner of coconut chicken, baked tortilla chips, a bright mango-tomatillo salsa and the rainbow chard in its final, delicious state.



The mango salsa can go with a lot of things, including fish. It was great both with the chicken and the tortilla chips. I didn't settle on one recipe, since there are many and I didn't have all of the ingredients for any of them. There were no complaints, but I went a little too heavy on the lime juice and probably could have used more salt. In short, do whatever makes you happy, but here is a good starting point:

Mango-Tomatillo Salsa

2 mangos, peeled and sliced (if you've never done it before, please check out this website. There's a science to it. Really.)
5-7 tomatillos, husked
1 large spring onion, quartered
4 cloves of garlic, unpeeled
1 red pepper, sliced
1 tbs lime juice
1 tsp salt
fresh cilantro
any other spices or things that you think might taste good

Place onions, tomatillos, garlic and red pepper on a tray coated with cooking spray. Place in (toaster) oven and broil until vegetables start to char. Peel garlic, and place vegetables in blender. Blend into chunks by pulsing a few times. Add lime juice, salt, cilantro and anything else that strikes your fancy. Mix in cubed mango and enjoy!

Tortilla chips

10 tortilla wraps
1 tbs chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp salt
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 450. Coat tortillas with cooking spray and cut into chip-sized pieces. Sprinkle evenly with a mixture of chili powder, cumin and salt. Spread on a cooking sheet coated with cooking spray. Bake for 8ish minutes, or until they are as crispy as you want. I've also fried them on the stove and cooked them on the grill with olive oil. The extra spices make this really yummy.

And the pursuit of happiness

For a long time now, I've had a theory that I could best learn history if it were taught through Pop-Up Video. I seem to still remember many things that I learned years ago by watching VH1 but I can't seem to retain anything when I go to a museum, read a book, or try to hit on any of the other formats that could teach me things about history. Did you know that Diane Keaton directed the video for Belinda Carlisle's Heaven on Earth? Did you know that Madonna shot her video for Take a Bow in a bullring in Spain? I sure do. Jealous? Also, in high school I took an entire class on the Vietnam War and I can't remember too much about what was going on there.

Until my Pop-Up Video charter school idea takes off, I think that we should all stick with Maira Kahlman, starting with her depiction of Monticello. I especially love her take on Thomas Jefferson. In a town where students cheer at the mere mention of his name (and actually usually just call him "TJ") it's nice to get the full story and be reminded that "this monumental man had monumental flaws."

Mawwage

I found this article in the Atlantic Monthly and wanted to share. Interesting argument and I don't completely disagree with the school of thought. However, I wish it weren't completely undermined by the fact that it's written by someone who ended her marriage after her own affair. What could be a well-thought out perspective on society comes across as a scrambling justification for doing something not so smart.

Speaking of not so smart, welcome Mark Sanford! He now joins the listings of "Bad Things You Did That People Were Probably Going to Find Out About." Preliminary findings show that, contrary to popular opinion, it's not actually the *gay* marriages that are ruining life as we know it. Old-fashioned marriages can do the trick as well.

Somehow, this all ties into a freaky dream that I had the other night.I was told that I was getting married later that day and I had to do it.There was a lot of running around and crying beforehand, because I didn't have shoes or a dress, I wished I had the chance to plan my own wedding, and I was getting married in *gasp* a church! Once I walked down the aisle, I realized that I was in a showroom filled with furniture. I guessed Bed Bath and Beyond, but someone in my dream told it me was an IKEA. I've never been to one in real life, and in my dream I was just relieved it wasn't a church, although I know it can be a place of religious worship for some people.

Getting married in a furniture store lends itself to all sorts of societal commentary. My natural train of thought led me to the New Yorker cartoon contest: (Cartoon courtesy of Matt)




Possible captions:
"Some assembly required."
"Guaranteed to last five years."

Other ideas?

Remember, falls can kill

Some obligatory naturey shots from a camping trip to Shenandoah National Park this past weekend:


State flower of Connecticut! Probably my only fun botany fact, and I'm in the wrong state to share it.





Both appetizing and disgusting at the same time.

And while I have all of those cutesy nature pictures, probably my favorite of all is this one:




The attention to detail is riveting. I love the extra drops of water at the end so that we can be sure that it's a murderous waterfall and not a tripped out Slip 'n Slide. You can't see it in the picture, but the stick figure is actually smiling as he plunges to his death on jagged rocks. Existentialist message? As with most things, I feel the need to make a New Yorker cartoon caption for this sign.

Just Dance: this will make you grin

Every middle school girl that I tutor has in some way made me feel like I am a middle school girl myself. They confide in me about lots of things, we talk about books they are reading, and they all ask me if I've read Twilight. (Answer: not yet). One student and I particularly bonded over a project in which she had to make a mix CD of songs that represent her and explain her choices. She was having a hard time coming up with ideas, and I suggested that she include something current that she likes from the radio. She didn't think that "those lyrics" would be appropriate for her Catholic school, and when I pressed her to be more specific, we discovered a shared affinity for Justin and Lady Gaga. She then proceeded to talk my ear off about Wolverine, though my guess is she likes the actual movie Wolverine, while I just like the wolverine Wolverine.

Point being, as a result of these and other conversations, I've gradually accepted my regression to middle school girlishness, especially in respect to Lady Gaga. Which is why this fifth grade chorus, which has apparently grabbed national attention, is completely okay with me:




I can't get over their intensity while they sing! This one gives me chills, both because they're so good and because this song is something of a personal favorite:



These are exactly like the videos we would watch in education classes, showing us a "well-managed classroom where learning can occur." Except I'm pretty sure that most of those weren't completely real, and this one definitely is. For more on the chorus and all of the attention they're getting, click here.

How to be a writer

"To begin... To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. Okay, so I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana-nut. That's a good muffin."
~ Adaptation


Since I'm still waiting to hear back on the results of the latest New Yorker cartoon contest, I don't actively hold any hard feelings towards them and wanted to share this article on the industry of teaching creative writing. Can it actually be taught and, if so, who are the best teachers? Fascinating for anyone who has even ever just participated in a bizarre workshop or two.

And as a natural complement to the analytical side of things, a piece from McSweeney's with actual workshop critiques. I know for a fact that I've received or read even more outrageous comments and probably more ridiculous stories. However, some of these comments could possibly be in response to a drug-fueled explicit porn story, in which case I would have to reevaluate my statement.

A lot of women are really envious of me right now

To do:

1. Build up journalism career.
2. Become part of famous morning talk show.
3. Claw at Brad Pitt's face.


Check, check aaaand done.

*Disclaimer: This is painful to watch

Mix Tape Side I

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules."
-High Fidelity


Relics from middle school are usually full of things one would rather forget. I can't think of a better example than a mix tape. On an overly long trip through six states, Christian rock and country stations weren't really doing it for me, so I dug out a dusty mix tape from the side door of the car. With some unfortunate exceptions, (such as not one but TWO Smash Mouth songs), it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, but it does make me wonder about my (non-existent?) thought processes when making this tape. This tape is more likely from freshman year of high school than middle school, based on the songs themselves and the quality; it was obviously made on a CD/tape deck combo, rather than holding a tape recorder up to the radio. Can't wait to find those tapes.

For your reading and listening pleasure, side 1:

The Monkees - Daydream Believer
Hole - Doll Parts
Ooof. I had a Hole poster and everything. Sorry, Mom and Dad.
The Wonders - That Thing You Do!
I stand by this movie and this song. However, I have no idea why I thought that The Monkees and The Wonders should bookcase Hole, or why Hole was a good idea at all. Two fake boy bands + Courtney Love do not a good mix tape make, and it's not exactly a smooth transition. This begs another classic High Fidelity quotation:

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Not sure, but I could have at least listened to better miserable music.

Smash Mouth - C'mon, C'mon
Nothing like listening to Gap ad music in your spare time. I could only find this as a disabled audio track on youtube, on a playlist titled "BEST SONGS U WILL EVER HEAR". I think it may have been mislabeled.
Bachman Turner Overdrive - You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet
A great song. I just happen to know it was off of my Drew Carey soundtrack. Ouch.*See footnote below.
Savage Garden - Cannonballs Pretty self-explanatory for the time, though nothing that you couldn't hear on the radio every two minutes
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Porcelain
I wanted to think that I was badass enough for the Chili Peppers, but I probably wasn't really, so I put on this slow song to make myself seem cooler than I was, but not have to listen to the scary songs with bad words.
Fastball - Fire Escape
I feel like Fastball got a bad rap as a one-hit wonder. I never disliked them. Also, they're out with some new music.
Garbage - Stupid Girl
I'm increasingly getting the feeling that I made this tape for other people. I don't know why else I would use the most popular song of one of my favorite bands (yeah, I said it) rather than something I actually wanted to listen to because I wouldn't necessarily hear it somewhere else. For more on awesome Scottish-ness, see Frightened Rabbit.
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Actually an impressive song, albeit their only famous one. Go me. Nothing bad to say about this one. I get pretty excited whenever they play it on the local radio station.

I'll be adding more about Side 2 in another post, as I can only handle rehashing so much of my own painful dorkiness at a time. We'll see if it comes out to be something that John Cusack would be proud of. Right now, if we're being generous, it's on the fence.

*Footnote: "This item has been discontinued by manufacturer". Score! Collector's item!

See, that's where you lost me...

I want to apologize to you, young gentleman working at a McDonald's in quaint Linglestown, PA. As usual, we were difficult customers and we had to go and ruin everything. Anyone else might say that you shirked your duties as Linglestown ambassador, and that was my initial reaction as well. However, upon further reflection, I realize that our problematic order was entirely our fault.

Neither Matt nor I go to McDonald's with any frequency, so maybe we aren't learned in the ways of how to properly order food. It also seemed like by asking for less, we would be making the order easier on you. I had no idea that this would unravel the very fabric of the Linglestown McDonald's.

Matt: I'll have the number 6, except....

McD's: Do you want to large size it?

Matt: Oh um, no, regular size. But no drink.

McD's: So you want just a large size fries and a small drink?

Matt: No...I don't want it large sized.

McD's: So...a regular sized fries and drink?

Matt: No, no drink.

Mc'D's: But you said you wanted a number 6.

Matt: I do.

Blank silence. Awkward staring.

Matt: I just don't want a drink. You don't have to hand me a cup.

You sighed and starting punching numbers on the cash register.

McD's: See, that's where you lost me. You said you wanted a number 6.

Matt: But I do.

McD's: No, you just wanted the sandwich and the fries.


Then it was my turn, and I was terrified. I didn't want to further disrupt your day, and I knew I couldn't order a meal if I didn't want to take responsibility for consuming it all, exactly as dictated on the menu. I very deliberately said, "I'll just have a double cheeseburger with medium fries. And an iced coffee."

Thinking I was done, I breathed a sigh of relief, but your eyes darted back up at me and I knew I had made a fatal mistake.

McD's: Do you want to make that a combo meal?

Me: Um...I don't know, do I?

"You can substitute the coffee for the soda," you explained with an exasperated sigh. "And make it all a meal."

"Okay so...sure. A meal. But not large. Just...regular."

This probably didn't make sense for some reason, but I'm glad that you spared me further humiliation by letting it go and punching with angry silence at the buttons of your cash register. I'm sorry that we were such difficult customers. You were kind to condescend us by wishing us an overly cheerful "You have a wonderful day, folks!" as we shuffled out the door with our malformed "meals". It's possible that we had a cultural misunderstanding. I may have thought I was in some sort of fancy Northeastern retail store when I requested my custom-tailored food. The strange thing is that a week later at a Wendy's in central Virginia, we didn't have a problem. We ordered about the same thing but there was no indication of discontent behind the counter; we also got our food in about half the time. The employees there probably don't share your finely-tuned sense of effective food ordering, or have your level of self respect.

The next time I pass through Linglestown, I'd like to visit you and try again, if you'd permit me. I promise not to "lose you" this time with my complicated and overwrought demands. I hope you're still there, waiting with narrowed eyes. I'd look for you at Domino's, but something tells me you wouldn't last too long there.